This post is obviously a tad bit late for Father's Day, but fathers are important all year long, not just one day of year. The depth of this thought was reinforced with the recent passing of Mark's dad.
Mark's dad had been sick for some months. His prostate cancer came back and then became bone cancer. He participated in a new treatment, which possibly prolonged his life, but did not cure the cancer.
He was at home, taking care of himself, with assistance from his children and their spouses. It got to be too much and home health care came to help. Lee decided he needed to be where there was 24 hour care, he was taken to a nursing home on a Monday and passed on Saturday of that week.
Mark was able to make it home before his dad died and spent all night Friday with him, reading scripture to him and praying over him.
As the five children of Lee and Flo Baines sat around sharing stories, the true character of Lee and Flo Baines became so evident.
I have known no one who loved their wife more than Lee did. He adored Flo and would do anything for her. And he did. Flo didn't ask for lots of frivolous things. She had lived through the depression and World War II and learned to be content with simple things, basic necessities of life. After their children were grown and there was more time and finances available, they did all sorts of things together. They took lots of senior citizens trips and saw lots of places they'd never had the opportunity to see before. Flo did all the planning and Lee was thrilled to go on such great trips with the love of his life.
It was painful for Lee when Flo became sick. She had confusing symptoms in 2000 and in 2001 was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She did chemo and two rounds of radiation. The process made her weak and unsteady. She fell and broke her hip and needed constant attention. Lee sat many hours in the living room with Flo. She didn't understand she needed the walker to get around and would try to get up without it. Eventually, he was doing more and more for her, including picking her up and putting her in bed at night. Granted, Flo was short and by this point, much thinner than she'd ever been. But Lee was 80 years old, he didn't need to be picking her up. But he did and never complained. Eventually, despite Lee's desire to take care of Flo, she was taken to a nursing home, where she spent the last year and a half of her life. And so did Lee. He went and sat by her bed every day. At first he got there in time to feed Flo breakfast. The staff convinced him they could do that, so he would come mid morning and he stayed until she was in bed. Every day that she was there. No one loved his wife more than Lee Baines.
For quite some time after Flo's death, Lee went to the cemetery every day. Later he went every week.
No one loved his wife more than Lee Baines.
No one enjoyed working more than Lee. He was thankful to have a means to support his lovely family. Mark has told stories of Dad working at the garage he owned and then coming home and working on things around the house.
Lee built their home with supplies from a retired army base. It was just what they needed, nothing more. As more children were born, extra space was added. But not excessive space, just the right amount.
For family camping trips, Lee built a camper. He made it entirely himself. Even sewing the tarps on the side. He wanted to take the family camping, but didn't want to spend unnecessary money when he could make the camper himself and enjoy the process!
Until technology changed everything, Lee made all the televisions the family had. Ordered a kit, all the little pieces and wires and tubes, then put it all together! And the Baines family had the first color tv on the block. He more than kept the family up with the Joneses, he passed them up!
Lee made all sorts of things for Flo. She started collecting little treasures on their trips and he built a case to display them in. He built two entertainment centers. Fabulous, sturdy pieces of furniture.
Lee was not a talkative man. His love language was service to others. He helped all of us work on our houses, some of us more than once! He made personalized things for each of us. Some of us have a beautiful china cabinet he built with our design ideas. I gave him a 2x2 picture and sizes and received a lovely cabinet. Some of his grandchildren have special things he built for them.
Lee Baines lived a life of service to others. He served his country. He served his family. He served others. A greater tribute could not be said!
He never asked for anything. When his birthday, Father's Day and Christmas would roll around each year, it was impossible to get him to tell us anything he'd like to have. He really wanted for nothing. His basic needs were met, he was content with that and desired nothing more. Just to be with his beloved wife, children and grandchildren.
The five Baines siblings shared stories of Mom and her entertaining. They loved to have friends over and play games, laugh and enjoy each other. They didn't spend excessive money on entertainment, but they loved sharing good times with their friends.
As Mark and I reflected on these things, we came to some conclusions. Mom and Dad had what they needed. They were careful with their money, used it wisely, yet were not in need of anything. We've done some soul/budget searching since we got home and are making some changes. There have been some items in our life that were nice, slightly excessive, but clearly not necessary and we are deleting as much of it as we can. We want our grandchildren to see that we used our resources wisely to provide for our needs, but that the focus of our life was to worship and serve God and do so by loving our family.
I realized afresh that I am one of the ones that personally benefited from Lee's character. You see, Mark Baines is so much like his dad. Yes, he looks more like Lee than his brothers do. But his character is clearly a reflection of what he learned from his dad. No human could love me more than my Marky. And I know, I'm not always lovable. But Mark is the most patient, kind, compassionate man I know. And he loves me unconditionally. I'd not grown up with that kind of love from my dad, so I had a difficult time learning to accept it from Mark. And I'm still learning. But I'm loving it and resting in it!
And like his Dad, Mark never asks for anything! His favorite conversation goes like this. "What do you want for _____". Fill in the blank - Christmas, birthday, Father's Day, just because. Mark's pat answer is "Peace on earth, good will towards man." Mark is content with his life, he desires for nothing, just time with his little family.
How blessed am I! I'm so thankful for the man Mark Baines is. I'm so blown away that I get to do life with him and be touched by his sweetness, love and compassion. Mark serves me. Mark serves our family. Mark serves others. A greater tribute could not be said!
I'm blessed because Lee Baines loved his wife, loved his family and lived a simple peaceful life of contentment.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sleep - An Amazing Gift!
Sleep has been a major problem for me for several years.
I've never really slept when we go somewhere. I would be awake in the middle of the night when we stayed at a hotel. I'd wake up long before Mark and sit in the dark while I waited for him to wake up. When we'd go to my sister's to spend the night, I'd always 'sleep' on the couch. I knew I would be awake most of the night so there was no need to disturb Mark. If I was in the living room, I could watch tv or read a book to pass the time.
It became an every night issue when I was in what the doctor called 'pre-menopausal. Isn't it delightful that not only do we go through menopause, but there are 2 more parts to it - pre and post. Really?! Is all that necessary? For years I said that because I'd had a hysterectomy, I had nothing to pause, so I was not going through any of that. Mind over matter was not successful on that count!
I would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to get back to sleep. I would either lay for hours or just get up and do something. Then in the middle of the day I would hit the wall because I was so tired.
This routine was worse than annoying. It seemed the only relief was commiserating with others going through the same thing. It was assumed that this problem was a part of being ' a woman of that age'. Don't ya just love that phrase! The only relief I got was to take a Tylenol PM. If it had been several nights since I'd slept well, I'd take two. A night of deep, restful, dreamless sleep was fabulous!
Then the whole breast cancer adventure began and other difficulties became the focus. After the tests, surgery and radiation came the exhaustion of chemo. Chemo affects people differently, and naturally with me it became sleep depravation. You can go without sleep for only a short time and it becomes debilitating! The first sleeping pill they gave me might as well have been a sugar pill. It brought no relief. Then they gave me Ambien CR. Amazing! I would take one pill, I'd be asleep in fifteen minutes, I would sleep well and wake rested in 8 hours. I got my life back.
I stayed on the Ambien while I was doing the treatments. It was the only way I got any sleep at all. Once the treatments were done, the prescription was not renewed. And for whatever reason, I wasn't having a major problem with sleep.
Then came the 'big one', as it is referred to here in Reno. The earthquake. In April 2008, after lots of small quakes, we had a 4.7 one. For those of you in California, that doesn't sound huge. But the faults in Nevada are not nearly as deep as those in California, so the movement here ismuch greater. For this midwesterner, that much power meant massive destruction. Mark and I were still up and we heard it coming. Earthquakes are like tornadoes, there is a rumbling before they arrive. And we could see the walls moving and feel the house shaking. There is no way to describe the screaming that happened. It was a horrific night. But there was hundreds of after shocks for weeks on end. Day and night. I would lie in bed and not be able to go to sleep because I was so afraid of another quake. And I was jumping at every little sound. Was it another one coming? I was a walking nervous wreck.
I convinced my doctor to give me another script for Ambien CR. Sleep, it was a welcome friend that returned to my life. And my life was manageable because of it. I was less of a crazy person, for which Mark was grateful!
And then reality slapped me in the face. After taking Ambien for several months, when I asked for a refill, my doctor asked me how often I was taking it. I told her every night because it was the only way I got any rest. Her response was "You are addicted." My response was "I DON'T CARE !" She politely informed me that I had to get off of it because if I ever needed surgery again they would never be able to put me under. I left with no refill and panic stricken! I was never going to sleep again! UGH!
I was afraid to go to bed that night, paranoid that I would lay in bed awake all night. I'd done that and knew how horrible that was. So I took a Tylenol PM. Just one. In spite of being anxious about the whole process, I did go to sleep and slept pretty well. I did that for several nights until it became difficult to wake up in the morning. I would feel drugged, almost woozy in the morning. So I split the pills and used half of one for several nights. I was sleeping well again. Then I started having the same problem in the morning. I was foggy in the morning and had a hard time getting my mind cleared. So I stopped taking the Tylenol PM. The first night I was panicked about going to bed without assistance. But I did go to sleep. Eventually.
And thus began life with no help getting to sleep and staying asleep. Consequently, sleep became elusive again. I would lay awake for anywhere from one to more than two hours before I fell asleep. I began having nightmares again. They would be so frightening, it would wake me up and then I couldn't get back to sleep. This was so frustrating. I basically could plan nothing in the morning. I never knew when I would wake up and how long it would take me to be able to function somewhat intelligently. Thank goodness I have a job that doesn't require me to be up, dressed and alert at 7 am!
I tried taking melatonin. I took a couple to start with and had no relief. I took more, after checking to make sure it was safe. Still nothing. So I decided I was just going to have to live with this. My lot in life. What fun - not!
Then Rachael shared with me what they use. It's a free app for my phone called brainwave tuner. There are two parts to the app. One is wave strength which is basically a rhythm and you chose how loud it is. Sounds like having a fan on. This made sense to me. When we used to run a large window fan in the summer, it would help me get to sleep. And when we put it away, I had trouble getting to sleep.
The second part is called ambience with three choices. One is a flowing brook. Okay, I'm old enough I don't need to listen to constantly running water. That's a whole different problem! One is a music box. Those of you that know me well know that music is an extremely important part of who I am. But I've never been able to go to bed with music on. I get so into it I can't relax and go to sleep. So music wasn't an option for me. The third choice is night and sounds like crickets. Rachael said when she listens to this with the wave she feels like she's back home in Illinois. Interesting. And I was certainly willing to try. Apparently there is a lot of research behind this, but I really don't need to understand all that. All I needed was sleep.
The first night I turned the timer on. Rachael said she sets the timer for 30 minutes, it doesn't stop abruptly, it fades out and that she has never heard it stop. Since I have such a major problem, I set the timer for one hour. I didn't hear it stop, but I was still up two or three times in the night. The second night I turned it on with the phone plugged in and left it on all night. I was up only once that night and felt like I'd slept better which certainly was an improvement. I have adjusted the volume of the wave strength and ambience and reached what works for me! Last night I went to sleep so quickly I don't remember just laying there and waiting for sleep to arrive. I wasn't up at all during the night. I woke up after eight hours of restful sleep and was ready for the day! Can you say amazing! I feel like a real person again, not some groggy version of myself.
I feel like I've gotten my life back. I can now not only plan what I'm going to do during the morning, but I'll be energized and ready to do it! I'll going to be able to get done all those things that have been waiting in the wings. The real Cindy Baines is about to emerge again! Thanks to the brilliant doctor who shared this with Rachael and to Rach for sharing it with me!
Sleep - an amazing gift! I'm so thrilled it was given to me.
I've never really slept when we go somewhere. I would be awake in the middle of the night when we stayed at a hotel. I'd wake up long before Mark and sit in the dark while I waited for him to wake up. When we'd go to my sister's to spend the night, I'd always 'sleep' on the couch. I knew I would be awake most of the night so there was no need to disturb Mark. If I was in the living room, I could watch tv or read a book to pass the time.
It became an every night issue when I was in what the doctor called 'pre-menopausal. Isn't it delightful that not only do we go through menopause, but there are 2 more parts to it - pre and post. Really?! Is all that necessary? For years I said that because I'd had a hysterectomy, I had nothing to pause, so I was not going through any of that. Mind over matter was not successful on that count!
I would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to get back to sleep. I would either lay for hours or just get up and do something. Then in the middle of the day I would hit the wall because I was so tired.
This routine was worse than annoying. It seemed the only relief was commiserating with others going through the same thing. It was assumed that this problem was a part of being ' a woman of that age'. Don't ya just love that phrase! The only relief I got was to take a Tylenol PM. If it had been several nights since I'd slept well, I'd take two. A night of deep, restful, dreamless sleep was fabulous!
Then the whole breast cancer adventure began and other difficulties became the focus. After the tests, surgery and radiation came the exhaustion of chemo. Chemo affects people differently, and naturally with me it became sleep depravation. You can go without sleep for only a short time and it becomes debilitating! The first sleeping pill they gave me might as well have been a sugar pill. It brought no relief. Then they gave me Ambien CR. Amazing! I would take one pill, I'd be asleep in fifteen minutes, I would sleep well and wake rested in 8 hours. I got my life back.
I stayed on the Ambien while I was doing the treatments. It was the only way I got any sleep at all. Once the treatments were done, the prescription was not renewed. And for whatever reason, I wasn't having a major problem with sleep.
Then came the 'big one', as it is referred to here in Reno. The earthquake. In April 2008, after lots of small quakes, we had a 4.7 one. For those of you in California, that doesn't sound huge. But the faults in Nevada are not nearly as deep as those in California, so the movement here ismuch greater. For this midwesterner, that much power meant massive destruction. Mark and I were still up and we heard it coming. Earthquakes are like tornadoes, there is a rumbling before they arrive. And we could see the walls moving and feel the house shaking. There is no way to describe the screaming that happened. It was a horrific night. But there was hundreds of after shocks for weeks on end. Day and night. I would lie in bed and not be able to go to sleep because I was so afraid of another quake. And I was jumping at every little sound. Was it another one coming? I was a walking nervous wreck.
I convinced my doctor to give me another script for Ambien CR. Sleep, it was a welcome friend that returned to my life. And my life was manageable because of it. I was less of a crazy person, for which Mark was grateful!
And then reality slapped me in the face. After taking Ambien for several months, when I asked for a refill, my doctor asked me how often I was taking it. I told her every night because it was the only way I got any rest. Her response was "You are addicted." My response was "I DON'T CARE !" She politely informed me that I had to get off of it because if I ever needed surgery again they would never be able to put me under. I left with no refill and panic stricken! I was never going to sleep again! UGH!
I was afraid to go to bed that night, paranoid that I would lay in bed awake all night. I'd done that and knew how horrible that was. So I took a Tylenol PM. Just one. In spite of being anxious about the whole process, I did go to sleep and slept pretty well. I did that for several nights until it became difficult to wake up in the morning. I would feel drugged, almost woozy in the morning. So I split the pills and used half of one for several nights. I was sleeping well again. Then I started having the same problem in the morning. I was foggy in the morning and had a hard time getting my mind cleared. So I stopped taking the Tylenol PM. The first night I was panicked about going to bed without assistance. But I did go to sleep. Eventually.
And thus began life with no help getting to sleep and staying asleep. Consequently, sleep became elusive again. I would lay awake for anywhere from one to more than two hours before I fell asleep. I began having nightmares again. They would be so frightening, it would wake me up and then I couldn't get back to sleep. This was so frustrating. I basically could plan nothing in the morning. I never knew when I would wake up and how long it would take me to be able to function somewhat intelligently. Thank goodness I have a job that doesn't require me to be up, dressed and alert at 7 am!
I tried taking melatonin. I took a couple to start with and had no relief. I took more, after checking to make sure it was safe. Still nothing. So I decided I was just going to have to live with this. My lot in life. What fun - not!
Then Rachael shared with me what they use. It's a free app for my phone called brainwave tuner. There are two parts to the app. One is wave strength which is basically a rhythm and you chose how loud it is. Sounds like having a fan on. This made sense to me. When we used to run a large window fan in the summer, it would help me get to sleep. And when we put it away, I had trouble getting to sleep.
The second part is called ambience with three choices. One is a flowing brook. Okay, I'm old enough I don't need to listen to constantly running water. That's a whole different problem! One is a music box. Those of you that know me well know that music is an extremely important part of who I am. But I've never been able to go to bed with music on. I get so into it I can't relax and go to sleep. So music wasn't an option for me. The third choice is night and sounds like crickets. Rachael said when she listens to this with the wave she feels like she's back home in Illinois. Interesting. And I was certainly willing to try. Apparently there is a lot of research behind this, but I really don't need to understand all that. All I needed was sleep.
The first night I turned the timer on. Rachael said she sets the timer for 30 minutes, it doesn't stop abruptly, it fades out and that she has never heard it stop. Since I have such a major problem, I set the timer for one hour. I didn't hear it stop, but I was still up two or three times in the night. The second night I turned it on with the phone plugged in and left it on all night. I was up only once that night and felt like I'd slept better which certainly was an improvement. I have adjusted the volume of the wave strength and ambience and reached what works for me! Last night I went to sleep so quickly I don't remember just laying there and waiting for sleep to arrive. I wasn't up at all during the night. I woke up after eight hours of restful sleep and was ready for the day! Can you say amazing! I feel like a real person again, not some groggy version of myself.
I feel like I've gotten my life back. I can now not only plan what I'm going to do during the morning, but I'll be energized and ready to do it! I'll going to be able to get done all those things that have been waiting in the wings. The real Cindy Baines is about to emerge again! Thanks to the brilliant doctor who shared this with Rachael and to Rach for sharing it with me!
Sleep - an amazing gift! I'm so thrilled it was given to me.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
36 and Counting
Wow! I have been married for 36 years. And it's true - some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels like forever. Tho I mean that in a great way. We've been together so long, it's hard to remember being single. But as some of you know, the older you get, the faster it seems that time passes. It's hard to believe it's been thirty six years!
Actually, our 25th anniversary celebration was more fun than the wedding. We did another ceremony, wrote our own vows, and all our kids participated.
This is what I wrote:
As a little girl, I began dreaming of the perfect man that God would have for me. As I began dreaming and waiting, I fell in love with that man, long before I ever met him.
God knew I needed
a man who would love me unconditionally;
a man to protect me from the world and sometimes from myself;
a man to be my personal counselor as I dealt with what seemed like overwhelming obstacles in life;
a man to share my dreams with;
a man to dream new dreams together with;
a man who would be my biggest encourager;
a man to be the best daddy in the world to our girls;
a man who would be kind to to others;
a man who would put God first, even before me;
a man who would be MY Promise Keeper.
In His infinite wisdom, God wrapped all that, and more, and gave me the man of my dreams to share my life with.
For our anniversary this year, Mark took off at noon. We went to see '42' - great movie - and then out to eat. We begin to play one of our new games - 'What's your favorite____' This time we listed favorite things we've done. At first, it was things we'd done alone, just the two of us. But that's a fairly short list, so we started reminiscing about things we'd done with the girls and family. Weddings, anniversary and births were a given.
A trip to Destin Florida with all our kids (pre little girls), my siblings, their families and my mom was at the top of our list. It's always so much fun to have extended time with family. When Tara was a Freshman in college and Rachael a Senior in high school, we went to Disney World. They enjoyed the trip even though they were older. Funny, both those trips were earned through my job! Those of you that know me well, know that I LOVE San Francisco. So naturally our first, enchanting trip to San Fran was on the list, as well as subsequent ones!
Conversation then became precious memories of the past years, which included so many people. Can't list them here, for fear of leaving someone out. God has shared so many dear people with us. And you are each loved and treasured!
One of the more recent highlights of our life was Mark's new job in 2011. After 34 years of traveling enough miles each year to drive around the world, Mark is now off the road! We have a real life now. We can do things any night of the week. We were so tired of being separated so much. And all those miles - Mark was done with it! Again, we are so blessed!
But I'm using this blog to honestly share some of the things that go through my head. Even ones that are not so pretty. And what was passing through my head earlier was on the selfish side.
Naturally, I was thinking about the anniversary for days before it arrived. Wondering what Mark was going to do for me. Would he plan a fabulous evening? Would it include a great food and spectacular meal? Suddenly I was struck with how selfish was I! It is our anniversary, not my anniversary. I got online and spent quite a bit of time looking for something I could do for Mark. Though I never did find anything that seemed just right.
That evening I confessed to Mark how selfish I'd been that day and that I'd searched for quite a while looking for something I could do for him. We discussed some options and the budget and together planned our day out.
But why are women so quick to look for what is being done for us? I would submit to you that culture has spent a lot of money - music, movies, advertisements - suggesting we want more, we want to be pampered, we want to be spoiled! Clearly not a mindset you would find in the Bible. Which is where I claim to find the foundation of my life!
Acts 20:35b It is more blessed to give than receive.
John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I Cor. 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.
Phillippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Phillippains 2:3 b in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Our celebration was special, we are grateful for our time together. But my focus in the coming weeks and months is going to be looking for more ways to bless Mark. My beloved Marky.
Actually, our 25th anniversary celebration was more fun than the wedding. We did another ceremony, wrote our own vows, and all our kids participated.
This is what I wrote:
As a little girl, I began dreaming of the perfect man that God would have for me. As I began dreaming and waiting, I fell in love with that man, long before I ever met him.
God knew I needed
a man who would love me unconditionally;
a man to protect me from the world and sometimes from myself;
a man to be my personal counselor as I dealt with what seemed like overwhelming obstacles in life;
a man to share my dreams with;
a man to dream new dreams together with;
a man who would be my biggest encourager;
a man to be the best daddy in the world to our girls;
a man who would be kind to to others;
a man who would put God first, even before me;
a man who would be MY Promise Keeper.
In His infinite wisdom, God wrapped all that, and more, and gave me the man of my dreams to share my life with.
For our anniversary this year, Mark took off at noon. We went to see '42' - great movie - and then out to eat. We begin to play one of our new games - 'What's your favorite____' This time we listed favorite things we've done. At first, it was things we'd done alone, just the two of us. But that's a fairly short list, so we started reminiscing about things we'd done with the girls and family. Weddings, anniversary and births were a given.
A trip to Destin Florida with all our kids (pre little girls), my siblings, their families and my mom was at the top of our list. It's always so much fun to have extended time with family. When Tara was a Freshman in college and Rachael a Senior in high school, we went to Disney World. They enjoyed the trip even though they were older. Funny, both those trips were earned through my job! Those of you that know me well, know that I LOVE San Francisco. So naturally our first, enchanting trip to San Fran was on the list, as well as subsequent ones!
Conversation then became precious memories of the past years, which included so many people. Can't list them here, for fear of leaving someone out. God has shared so many dear people with us. And you are each loved and treasured!
One of the more recent highlights of our life was Mark's new job in 2011. After 34 years of traveling enough miles each year to drive around the world, Mark is now off the road! We have a real life now. We can do things any night of the week. We were so tired of being separated so much. And all those miles - Mark was done with it! Again, we are so blessed!
But I'm using this blog to honestly share some of the things that go through my head. Even ones that are not so pretty. And what was passing through my head earlier was on the selfish side.
Naturally, I was thinking about the anniversary for days before it arrived. Wondering what Mark was going to do for me. Would he plan a fabulous evening? Would it include a great food and spectacular meal? Suddenly I was struck with how selfish was I! It is our anniversary, not my anniversary. I got online and spent quite a bit of time looking for something I could do for Mark. Though I never did find anything that seemed just right.
That evening I confessed to Mark how selfish I'd been that day and that I'd searched for quite a while looking for something I could do for him. We discussed some options and the budget and together planned our day out.
But why are women so quick to look for what is being done for us? I would submit to you that culture has spent a lot of money - music, movies, advertisements - suggesting we want more, we want to be pampered, we want to be spoiled! Clearly not a mindset you would find in the Bible. Which is where I claim to find the foundation of my life!
Acts 20:35b It is more blessed to give than receive.
John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I Cor. 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.
Phillippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Phillippains 2:3 b in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Our celebration was special, we are grateful for our time together. But my focus in the coming weeks and months is going to be looking for more ways to bless Mark. My beloved Marky.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Damage Control
I just copied a short saying in Facebook that someone else has posted:
'Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life!'
Such a powerful statement! I saw this as I was scrolling through posts. But I kept going back to it, couldn't get it off my mind.
To quote one my pastors 'It all goes back to the cross.' Christ was beaten and they put nails in his hands and feet to hang him on the cross. Serious damage was done then. But He arose from the dead, the damage did not destroy him. It no longer controls him!
Because our identity is in Christ, what the Father has given to the Son, He has also given to us. We have healing! Praise God! Through the work of the Holy Spirit, good counseling, prayers and love of others, I've received healing for lots of things in my life. And not just physical, actually more emotional and spiritual than physical.
Once I allowed the Spirit to comfort and console me, the healing began. I became more at peace with myself and with others. I was not so angry or seeking revenge. The damage no longer controlled my life.
It's easy to see that once you break a leg and it heals, you can't deny it happened, but you no longer need crutches to get around.
Once you've had a car accident and the car is repaired, you can't deny it happened, but you no longer need a rental car to get around.
But when you apply that principle to the spiritual and emotional part of your life, the truth is so profound!
God not only saves me for eternity, but from the consequence of my sin. I can't deny it happened, but the sin and it's effect don't control my life.
As far as my personal sin, it did happen, but the remorse and the grief no longer control me. I've been forgiven, the sin has been sent away, as far as the east is from the west. Hopefully I learn from my mistakes and don't commit the same ones again. I step away from the sin, whether it was intentional or unintentional, and live in the Spirit to not repeat that sin.
As far as sins committed against me, the anger, hate and pain they brought no longer control me. Scriptures says 'By His stripes we are healed'.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 KJV
That healing is for not only my sins but those sins that were done to me! Amazing! Grasping this truth was huge for me! ALL things done against me have been forgiven and healing is available for me. Those things no longer control me. I no longer act out in response to what was said and done to me. I am healed through the work of the cross, so I respond in His love because of what He did for me.
It's not about what's been done to us, rather what's been done for us!
And then choosing to live in the freedom, peace and love. Let those things control your life.
'Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life!'
Such a powerful statement! I saw this as I was scrolling through posts. But I kept going back to it, couldn't get it off my mind.
To quote one my pastors 'It all goes back to the cross.' Christ was beaten and they put nails in his hands and feet to hang him on the cross. Serious damage was done then. But He arose from the dead, the damage did not destroy him. It no longer controls him!
Because our identity is in Christ, what the Father has given to the Son, He has also given to us. We have healing! Praise God! Through the work of the Holy Spirit, good counseling, prayers and love of others, I've received healing for lots of things in my life. And not just physical, actually more emotional and spiritual than physical.
Once I allowed the Spirit to comfort and console me, the healing began. I became more at peace with myself and with others. I was not so angry or seeking revenge. The damage no longer controlled my life.
It's easy to see that once you break a leg and it heals, you can't deny it happened, but you no longer need crutches to get around.
Once you've had a car accident and the car is repaired, you can't deny it happened, but you no longer need a rental car to get around.
But when you apply that principle to the spiritual and emotional part of your life, the truth is so profound!
God not only saves me for eternity, but from the consequence of my sin. I can't deny it happened, but the sin and it's effect don't control my life.
As far as my personal sin, it did happen, but the remorse and the grief no longer control me. I've been forgiven, the sin has been sent away, as far as the east is from the west. Hopefully I learn from my mistakes and don't commit the same ones again. I step away from the sin, whether it was intentional or unintentional, and live in the Spirit to not repeat that sin.
As far as sins committed against me, the anger, hate and pain they brought no longer control me. Scriptures says 'By His stripes we are healed'.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 KJV
That healing is for not only my sins but those sins that were done to me! Amazing! Grasping this truth was huge for me! ALL things done against me have been forgiven and healing is available for me. Those things no longer control me. I no longer act out in response to what was said and done to me. I am healed through the work of the cross, so I respond in His love because of what He did for me.
It's not about what's been done to us, rather what's been done for us!
And then choosing to live in the freedom, peace and love. Let those things control your life.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
My Name in Print!
Very exciting news last week, my Homecoming Magazine arrived. This is a much anticipated event! There are very few, if any, southern gospel concerts in this part of the country, so my magazine is my link to the gospel world to keep up to date and stay attached to the heroes of my life.
I read the magazine from cover to cover, every word, soaking it all in, not wanting to miss a thing. Near the front is 'Views From You', which has letters/notes from readers on a specific topic. The theme for this issue is art and this article intro was:
'Many of us can think of a time when a creative work touched us deeply. Sometimes art can communicate truth and love more effectively than someone simply trying to argue the point to us. Can you think of a time when a song, book, poem, movie, painting, sculptures, play or other creative works revealed a profound truth to you or touched your soul?'
I started reading the first letter and when I got to the 4th sentence, I thought "This person's story is just like mine!" I scanned down to the bottom of the letter and the print said "Cindy Baines."
Oh my gosh, I've been published!! Admittedly, it's only a letter to the editor, but there were loads of people who responded to the question posed on the magazine's Facebook page. And they picked mine! I'll admit, I was probably annoying to those around me for the rest of the day! I was just so excited!
For those of you that manage to live without the Homecoming Magazine, which I can't fathom, this is my letter.
'When our daughters went away to college, the empty nest syndrome sent me into a deep depression. A friend gave me a copy of the first Homecoming video, and I watched it over and over, crying through the entire video. The biblical truths were a comfort to my soul. In 2006, I had breast cancer surgery and the drugs and exhaustion brought depression again to visit. My now large collection of Homecoming videos were a healing balm to my should again. The first Sunday I was going too wear my wig was very distressing to me. I had on my Red Rocks video. The entire concert was exactly what I needed that morning. "Bigger Than Any Mountain" - oh, how I knew that was true. God was bigger than any cancer. Sue Dodge Sang "Showers of Blessings." There was no way to list the blessings God had sent us during that year. The Crabb Family sang "The Reason That I'm Standing." I knew that it was God's grace, love and compassion that He gas to me that kept me standing. The Hoppeers sang "Mention My Name." I knew there were people all over the country who had been praying for me, and I had felt the power of the prayers. Donnie Sumner sang "My Anchor Holds," one of my favorite songs, and I knew my anchor rested in Jesus. Andthen "It Is Finished," another one of my favorites. By now, I'm ready for church, my wig is on and I'm feeling strong because these songs have touched my should and reminded me of all the great things my LORD has done for me. I have lots of the videos, and they all bring me such joy and comfort, especially now that we live in an area where there are not a lot of gospel concerts.
It's not a lot, essentially a letter to the editor. But it's the first time I've seen my name in print, not counting graduation programs and the like.
My personal editor reports that my book is looking really good, but she's going to go through it one more time. Next will be preparing all those pages of information in the front of any book and a cover. Then, sending snipits of the book to famous people for endorsements. I know, I know, I'm not cozy friends with any famous people. But I have a few family and friends who knew some fairly famous people. And I have some ideas up my sleeve! We'll see how it pans out.
Wonder if I know of an artistic person who can do my cover? I know what I want, but I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, so I'll not be doing the cover.
We're moving slowly with this process, but at least it is moving now. It sat idle for a long time. The thrill is in the journey.
I read the magazine from cover to cover, every word, soaking it all in, not wanting to miss a thing. Near the front is 'Views From You', which has letters/notes from readers on a specific topic. The theme for this issue is art and this article intro was:
'Many of us can think of a time when a creative work touched us deeply. Sometimes art can communicate truth and love more effectively than someone simply trying to argue the point to us. Can you think of a time when a song, book, poem, movie, painting, sculptures, play or other creative works revealed a profound truth to you or touched your soul?'
I started reading the first letter and when I got to the 4th sentence, I thought "This person's story is just like mine!" I scanned down to the bottom of the letter and the print said "Cindy Baines."
Oh my gosh, I've been published!! Admittedly, it's only a letter to the editor, but there were loads of people who responded to the question posed on the magazine's Facebook page. And they picked mine! I'll admit, I was probably annoying to those around me for the rest of the day! I was just so excited!
For those of you that manage to live without the Homecoming Magazine, which I can't fathom, this is my letter.
'When our daughters went away to college, the empty nest syndrome sent me into a deep depression. A friend gave me a copy of the first Homecoming video, and I watched it over and over, crying through the entire video. The biblical truths were a comfort to my soul. In 2006, I had breast cancer surgery and the drugs and exhaustion brought depression again to visit. My now large collection of Homecoming videos were a healing balm to my should again. The first Sunday I was going too wear my wig was very distressing to me. I had on my Red Rocks video. The entire concert was exactly what I needed that morning. "Bigger Than Any Mountain" - oh, how I knew that was true. God was bigger than any cancer. Sue Dodge Sang "Showers of Blessings." There was no way to list the blessings God had sent us during that year. The Crabb Family sang "The Reason That I'm Standing." I knew that it was God's grace, love and compassion that He gas to me that kept me standing. The Hoppeers sang "Mention My Name." I knew there were people all over the country who had been praying for me, and I had felt the power of the prayers. Donnie Sumner sang "My Anchor Holds," one of my favorite songs, and I knew my anchor rested in Jesus. Andthen "It Is Finished," another one of my favorites. By now, I'm ready for church, my wig is on and I'm feeling strong because these songs have touched my should and reminded me of all the great things my LORD has done for me. I have lots of the videos, and they all bring me such joy and comfort, especially now that we live in an area where there are not a lot of gospel concerts.
It's not a lot, essentially a letter to the editor. But it's the first time I've seen my name in print, not counting graduation programs and the like.
My personal editor reports that my book is looking really good, but she's going to go through it one more time. Next will be preparing all those pages of information in the front of any book and a cover. Then, sending snipits of the book to famous people for endorsements. I know, I know, I'm not cozy friends with any famous people. But I have a few family and friends who knew some fairly famous people. And I have some ideas up my sleeve! We'll see how it pans out.
Wonder if I know of an artistic person who can do my cover? I know what I want, but I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, so I'll not be doing the cover.
We're moving slowly with this process, but at least it is moving now. It sat idle for a long time. The thrill is in the journey.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sassy on the scene
Those of you that have known me a long time know that I've been called Aunt Sassy for years. When our girls were quite small, another little girl at church couldn't say Cindy, it came out as Sassy. And I have been Aunt Sassy since.
So many thoughts are bouncing in my head, I'm not sure which I should chat about first. My book is sort of front and center now. After all this time, I wrote it in 2006, I'm finally making some progress. I've spent a substantial amount of time with some experts on blogging and publishing a book. I have a friend who is editing it, so I'm finally getting pretty excited about this process!
A finished book can be posted online and can be purchased as an ebook. Publish on demand is now an option, meaning you don't have to order 100's or 1000's of books and then try to sell them. Tho I do want to have some printed. There is a list of people who will get a signed copy - not that my signature is worth anything! But I also want to put them in oncology offices, Cancer Society offices and other places to give away.
The book is the story of my cancer journey, but it's purpose is to share how my faith and the prayers of many sustained me.
So many thoughts are bouncing in my head, I'm not sure which I should chat about first. My book is sort of front and center now. After all this time, I wrote it in 2006, I'm finally making some progress. I've spent a substantial amount of time with some experts on blogging and publishing a book. I have a friend who is editing it, so I'm finally getting pretty excited about this process!
A finished book can be posted online and can be purchased as an ebook. Publish on demand is now an option, meaning you don't have to order 100's or 1000's of books and then try to sell them. Tho I do want to have some printed. There is a list of people who will get a signed copy - not that my signature is worth anything! But I also want to put them in oncology offices, Cancer Society offices and other places to give away.
The book is the story of my cancer journey, but it's purpose is to share how my faith and the prayers of many sustained me.
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