As a child, I never rode a plane. When we were raising our girls we lived on one income, so purchasing 4 plane tickets to go someone was not an option. When my brother was still working for American Airlines and he found out I'd never been on a plane, he took me on a road trip to Dallas and we flew back. I was scared to death. When the girls were in high school, I earned a trip to Disneyland and we took a plane. All the details were taken care of by someone else, I had Marky with me and we traveled with a group. I wasn't too nervous.
Once Tara and Rachael moved to the west coast (otherwise labeled as another universe in my broken heart!), we started spending lots of money with the airlines. In the past 14 years, I've been on lots of planes. And even when I'm with Mark, I'm always nervous.
Where are my boarding passes?
Did I put my Driver's License back in my billfold where it goes or did I just drop it in my purse?
What Gate are we going to?
What time is our flight?
Do I have time to hit the restroom or will I risk missing my flight?
I've always felt like I was stressed to the max. Going to forget something, loss something, miss something.
But somewhere, somehow, there's been a paradigm shift in my head.
In May I went alone to St Louis for a meeting. Once we landed, it dawned on me I'd been calm the entire trip - no panic attacks! It was really quite a revelation to me. I realized that I had enjoyed each part of the trip and was relaxed the whole time. Just kind of blew my mind, as I was accustomed to massive mental havoc on the day I flew.
And then, I was calm again on the trip home! That day, I spent the morning with family that lived in St Louis and I was never anxious about getting back to the airport in time and thoroughly enjoyed the trip home.
Amazingly, this new found calm has stuck around! Yesterday I got back from a trip to Springfield, Missouri for Jordan Essentials annual convention. I traveled alone and had a fabulous time. No tension, no panic attacks, no tightness in my chest. I just had a great time. Since I was relaxed, I enjoyed chatting with the people around me. The clerk in the shop, others waiting for their plane, the people sitting next to me. It was like a compressing, restricting fog had been lifted and I could just be myself.
I have no idea where this came from. I hate to think that it's an age issue. My children travel calmly, so I'm not convinced it's age. Somehow, I've relaxed about life and God has blessed me with a new sense of calmness. Not going to question it or try to define it. Just going to enjoy it! It was such a fun trip - lets do another one! Not for a few weeks, at least. It might take me that long to unpack! Oh yeah - I did some serious shopping!
