As a child, I never rode a plane. When we were raising our girls we lived on one income, so purchasing 4 plane tickets to go someone was not an option. When my brother was still working for American Airlines and he found out I'd never been on a plane, he took me on a road trip to Dallas and we flew back. I was scared to death. When the girls were in high school, I earned a trip to Disneyland and we took a plane. All the details were taken care of by someone else, I had Marky with me and we traveled with a group. I wasn't too nervous.
Once Tara and Rachael moved to the west coast (otherwise labeled as another universe in my broken heart!), we started spending lots of money with the airlines. In the past 14 years, I've been on lots of planes. And even when I'm with Mark, I'm always nervous.
Where are my boarding passes?
Did I put my Driver's License back in my billfold where it goes or did I just drop it in my purse?
What Gate are we going to?
What time is our flight?
Do I have time to hit the restroom or will I risk missing my flight?
I've always felt like I was stressed to the max. Going to forget something, loss something, miss something.
But somewhere, somehow, there's been a paradigm shift in my head.
In May I went alone to St Louis for a meeting. Once we landed, it dawned on me I'd been calm the entire trip - no panic attacks! It was really quite a revelation to me. I realized that I had enjoyed each part of the trip and was relaxed the whole time. Just kind of blew my mind, as I was accustomed to massive mental havoc on the day I flew.
And then, I was calm again on the trip home! That day, I spent the morning with family that lived in St Louis and I was never anxious about getting back to the airport in time and thoroughly enjoyed the trip home.
Amazingly, this new found calm has stuck around! Yesterday I got back from a trip to Springfield, Missouri for Jordan Essentials annual convention. I traveled alone and had a fabulous time. No tension, no panic attacks, no tightness in my chest. I just had a great time. Since I was relaxed, I enjoyed chatting with the people around me. The clerk in the shop, others waiting for their plane, the people sitting next to me. It was like a compressing, restricting fog had been lifted and I could just be myself.
I have no idea where this came from. I hate to think that it's an age issue. My children travel calmly, so I'm not convinced it's age. Somehow, I've relaxed about life and God has blessed me with a new sense of calmness. Not going to question it or try to define it. Just going to enjoy it! It was such a fun trip - lets do another one! Not for a few weeks, at least. It might take me that long to unpack! Oh yeah - I did some serious shopping!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
Part II of My Testimony
See previous post for Part 1.
Raymond resigned the church before school started my senior
year. So I begin my Senior year with a
bad case of ‘I don’t care’. And it got
worse. I moved again 2 weeks before 1st
semester exams.
In this new town, 3 hours away, I had one Christian friend
at school. It was a bigger town and a
much bigger school. I still have
nightmares about being lost in the building, can’t remember my class schedule,
can’t find my locker, can’t remember the lock number. The church met in a tiny
very old building. I looked in the
basement. Once. I was not going down there! I really can’t recall anyone that was pouring
into me at this point. However, my
attitude was not welcoming to such. I
was angry at God and felt I had good reason to be.
As a senior in High School, I became the church
pianist. God’s music was really the only
biblical thing that was going into my head.
But it wasn’t enough.
When I graduated, I began hanging around a different crowd, and not a
better one. I was leading a double life
– partying like crazy, and then at my piano bench at 10:30 Sunday
mornings. No one called me on it. Churches didn’t usually teach or practice
that kind of loving church discipline.
And there was literally no one else in the church that could do my
job.
My parents moved again, I stayed in an apartment. Which was not a good choice, as the choices I
was making in my life were becoming more destructive. I eventually moved back in with my
parents. And immediately there was a
need for a church pianist! Guess who got
that job?
I was still living a double life, sometimes it was a close
call to get to my bench on time on Sunday morning because I’d been out all
night.
But this is where I met the love of my life, my Marky. We started dating and one night we almost got
killed at a railroad crossing. Okay, God
had my attention now! I asked him if he
knew where he was going if he died. He
thought so. He started going to church with me on Sunday
morning. After some
time, he asked Jesus to be a personal part of his life. We were married 5 months later.
We were still not living like we should, but we were making
progress. And we had people pouring into
our lives, living out an example of a Christian life as they knew best.
Mark and I moved to the next little town up the road and
started going to church there. That’s
where things began to really change.
Mark was so hungry for truth in the Scriptures that he started meeting
weekly with the pastor for discipleship.
We attended a couple marriage seminars, which were fabulous. We participated in a 12 week discipleship
training. We had lots of people in the
church and surrounding churches that were loving on us, teaching us, caring
about us.
After over 25 years at this church, we changed
churches. Hope. That was the name of the church and it gave
us hope. We’d had too many
responsibilities at the previous church.
We hadn’t learned how to rest in the comfort of the presence of our
Savior. We did at Hope and God placed
some amazing people in our lives that became dear friends. They loved on us and encouraged us in so many
ways.
I began doing Beth Moore Bible studies. And her studies will change you! I begin to see a different view of how God
wanted me to live. It wasn’t about
performance, it was an attitude of gratitude.
Then God added 2 new preachers in our life – our son in
laws. And listening to them, we began to
see a clearer view of what living a Christian life looked like.
In 2006 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a difficult time in my life, I won’t
lie about that. But God sent special
people to love in my during that time.
One lady, Barb Humphrey, was the most important one. She’d been our neighbor over 20 years. She’d had a liver transplant 15 years
earlier, but it was failing. I got
pneumonia and was so sick, I literally couldn’t talk. Barb called me to encourage me! She knew she was dying but she was compelled
to call me. To tell me I’d been a great
mother, that God was going to take care of me, that we were going to go to Reno
and that I would be a fabulous grandmother.
There are no words to describe what that call meant to me.
God did take care of me through the cancer journey, we did
move to Reno and I’m working on being that fabulous grandmother!
We’ve been in Reno 8 years and God has sent so many people
that have loved on us, taught us so much, blessed us in so many ways. And we
are eternally grateful to each and every one of them.
So, there are 2 ways of looking back at your life. You can look for only the negative, unhappy
things. And everyone will have
those. No one is perfect, so you’ll
never be surrounded by perfection. And
you won’t be an example of perfection either.
So there will be consequences in life.
Or, you can look at things with an eye for searching for
God. It’s like the game of ‘Where’s
Waldo’, only much better. When you make
God your focus, you can see who he has sent to love you, protect you, to teach
you. And those are the things that make
the important difference in your life. More
importantly, make sure you are being that person for those in your life. You can make a difference!
Monday, June 9, 2014
My Testimony - Part I
Mark and I lead a small group, we call them community groups at our church, on Sunday afternoons. And as way to teach people how to give their testimony and to make sure people understand the meaning of being a Christian, we take turns telling our testimony to the group. Even tho the people in the group have changed somewhat, not all have heard my testimony, I like to change it up a bit each time.
This time, I chose to make my focus 'where can I see God in my past'. As I'm almost 60, as noted in my last post, this look back covered a lot of time. I was concise as possible, but it is still a bit lengthy. So I'll be sharing it here in 2 parts.
Part 1.
My Testimony
This testimony is a view of how God protected me in my life and sent people on that mission. I refer to my dad as Raymond.
I was born in Mt. Vernon, Illinois. As a toddler, I remember listening to church music on my mother’s small record player. Raymond was the pastor of a church at Richview. The one huge thing I remember was when a group of singers came to that church and they sang gospel music. Fabulous 4 part, tight harmony. They sounded like angels to me!
We later moved to a tiny town in central Illinois, but were there for only a few months. Then we moved down the road outside Decatur, IL. While there, I was a part of a missionary, teaching group called Sunbeams.
This is the song we sang every week.
Sunbeam
Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam
To shine for him each day
In every way try to please him
At home, at school, at play
A sunbeam, a sunbeam
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam
A sunbeam, a sunbeam
I’ll be a sunbeam for him.
This had a huge impact on me. It really was teaching me to love Jesus and to live for him. Though I didn’t really know what that meant yet. Our leader in Sunbeams was Wanda Stickles. She showered unconditional love on me.
Later I was in Girls in Action – GA’s. I memorized lots of scriptures and had leaders that loved on me. We had foreign missionaries in our home and I developed a love for missions, for telling people about Jesus.
There were lots of kind, loving preachers in my life. One in particular was Paul Higgins. He and Raymond were close and he was at our house often. Every time he came over, he said to my younger brother, ‘Share your toys, Karl!’. But I heard him too and it had a huge impact on how I viewed my things. Many years later I organized a craft group and the name of our group was ‘Share Your Toys’.
In the middle of 3rd grade, we moved again, 30 miles down the road to another small town. I was still involved in GA’s, learning lots. Though, I can’t really remember anyone in particular that was pouring Jesus into my life then. Except the preachers that came to our house, which still included Paul Higgins.
In the middle of 6th grade, we moved to Nashville, IL. Another small town of about 3,000 people. Being the new kid at school in a small town where everyone had always lived there, and they knew everyone and already had friends was difficult, to say the very least! But there were people God put in that church that lavished me with love.
While living in Decatur, Sullivan and Nashville we participated in summer church camp. I was in my element then! I loved it. Lots of music, great preaching, everyone there was comfortable talking about God. I was one of the preacher kids, so I got treated well, an unusual thing for me. I spent all my free time in the craft room. I made woven baskets – it seemed the world had gone full circle years later when I was selling baskets. I made every little craft thing there was. Every year. Church camp was always the highlight of my year.
Joanne was a single mom with younger children at the church in Nashville. But she took on the GA’s and we spent a lot of time with her. She loved on us, taught us biblical truths and lived an example of what love and grace was.
There was another man who was in our home a lot. He was so kind, so sincerely loving. Years later after I was married and had kids, I had an opportunity to tell him what an impact he had on my life. He had no idea. I told him it wasn’t something specific he said or did. It was just I felt covered in compassionate, sincere love and grace when he was around.
And then there was Eddie Kemper. He was the church custodian and we lived next door to the church. In the summer humidity and heat, he’d be out mowing the church lawn. My mother would bake a peach cobbler and invite him in for a slice and some iced tea. He was always so grateful and kind. The church was a typical old building that had a steeple with a bell in it, which was rung at 9 am on Sunday mornings. My younger brother was 8 or 9 and he would get ready for church early and Eddie would let him ride the large, long rope that rang the bell. Karl loved it.
Stayed tuned for part 2
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Changing Decades
Obviously, I've been neglectful to my blog! It's been almost a year since my last post. Not that I haven't had thoughts banging around in my head the past year. There have been plenty, they just not been recorded in print. Do the drums beat louder when they get older because the ones in my head seem too.
This is the month I change the first digit in my age. What is it about age that when the number is small we want it to be bigger and when it is bigger we want it to stop growing? Remember saying 'I'm 9 1/2!"! When was the last time you heard someone say "I'm 59 1/2!"?
When I first started this blog I was going to call it "Life in the 50's". I put it out for opinions and a dear friend - I love you Jayne Whitworth! - suggested 'Life in the Sass Lane', on the premise that with my title suggestion, the title would have to be eventually changed. And she didn't even know my nickname has been Aunt Sassy for years!
And now the time has come, said the walrus. Moving into the 60's.
I remember being annoyed at turning 30 because I thought I meant I had to act like an adult. Oh yeah, being married and have daughters age 7 and 8 didn't cause me to act like an adult. Right.
Forty didn't bother me. I embraced it. I found out someone was planning a black 40th party for me and I refused to go. They changed the theme and made it festive and fun instead. I appreciated that.
I felt that 50 meant I'd earned a new level of respect, I felt I'd earned that and I was comfortable being 50. In fact, I threw my own party that year. I made the invites, made all the food and we spent the entire evening have a 4 course meal, enjoying the sweet company of a few close friends.
But 60 is clearly different. No one is saying 60 is the new 40. And we all know that it's too late to try and look as good as Jane Fonda. I can have red hair like Susan Sarandon, but the secret acting dream is never going to happen. And what kept Susan Lucci so thin? Oh yeah, years of running after an Emmy. And then there is Meryl Streep, she's defines stunning and strong as well as successful.
I'm trying to be healthy, not skinny. I've pouring my acting dream into my blog. You can't compare yourself to people who have had surgical help in looking good. And step away, there's no way to even think about comparing myself to Meryl Streep. Such a class act.
I guess I'm trying to figure out what defines me after 6 decades. Let's start with the happy list.
Mark
I'm married to the greatest guy on the earth, my precious Marky. He's been a good provider for our family, he's the most patient person I've ever met. He's the ultimate handyman, there is nothing he can't fix or build. He's become a fabulous sous chef and a great co-host for all the parties we throw. He's the most honest man you'll ever meet. If you look up 'good character' in the dictionary, it says Mark Baines! He's a Bible scholar, and he's diligent in his studies. And Mark's a great teacher whether he's teaching Bible truths or how to fix something. Then there's that that - he's the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on - thing!
Tara and Rachael
We have 2 beautiful daughters who not only became amazing godly women that make us so proud, but married equally amazing godly men who have made a commitment to spend their lives teaching others about God. And they've given us 5 fabulous grandchildren which we adore! That topic is a whole nother blog!
Family
I have a precious extended family of parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles and cousins by the dozens. They have all had an important part in my life.
Friends
One of the advantages of living lots of places growing up, I have friends in lots of places! To that list has to be added the precious friends that God put in my life since Mark and I have been married. That list is too long for this blog.
Blessings
We miss our families, but being near our children and grandchildren cannot be described only as a huge blessing. That word isn't large enough. We are thrilled to be a part of their lives, trying to do a bit for them that was done for us by our grandparents. And there's no need to try and begin a comprehensive list of the rest of my blessings.
That leaves the unhappy list. Life isn't perfect, things happen that are out of our control, people don't always do the right thing. The problem with this truth is those incidents affect more than the people that do them, they affect the people around them. We get covered in the fall out. Things such as attending 3 high schools; as a child never living near family; divorce of parents, death of parents. Oh yeah, then there was that whole cancer mess.
I see that the happy is list is much larger and more important than the unhappy list. I realize that's what really matters in life.
But I don't feel 60. Heaven knows I try not to act 60! I don't feel like we should be old enough to have younger siblings that have been married for 30 years, that our children are almost 40, or that we have siblings ready to retire! I told the girls that the 5 years they were in college I felt I was on hold, waiting for the rest of our life. They went 6 hours away to college so we didn't get to see them much except during the summer. They both married a few months after graduating and then waited 7 years to have children. So I feel like those 13 years I was in limbo waiting for the next phase and those years shouldn't count on my age. I settle for 50!
I do remember staring down death ( that is spelled c-a-n-c-e-r). Eight years ago. I'm grateful to be breathing, I really don't need to be reminded of that.
I guess it's just that I've had in my head for what seems like forever that 60 means old. Is that because you're clearly more than halfway done with life? Is it because you look old? Is it because you act old? Is is because you're old fashioned? Tho you must admit that some so called old fashioned standards should still be in practice. Again, another blog topic! Or is it because one has become set in their thoughts, not willing to adapt or to grow?
To maintain what is left of my sanity, I'm banking on that last sentence. Truth be known, I don't want to live to 120. Thanks to my fabulous Jordan Essentials products, I don't look old! I'm certain I can get several witnesses that I don't act old! If I did, I wouldn't have as many young friends as I do. I work on keeping my house updated, it's no longer full of country style furnishings. I don't wear granny looking clothes, tho I will readily admit to owning a few comfortable, sane shoes.
If I examine my inner self carefully, I would say I've have learned more in the last 8 years than I can begin to express. We moved to 'a city' and I've learned to be more respectful and appreciative of different cultures. Listening to our son in laws and other fabulous preachers and teachers, I learned so much more about the Bible, about God, about what living a Christian life should look like. I'm watching and learning what living by grace means. In all areas of my life. Because of the cancer journey, I feel like I'm less stressed about general stuff in life.
They, whoever 'they' are, say there is a list of things you should not do in a 12 month period. That list includes the list of what Mark and I did do, in 7 months. I had cancer, Mark left his job of 29 years, we left our house we'd lived in for 20+ years, we moved across the country, away from our parents and all our siblings and life long friends. And Mark's mother died. And I watched the man of my life traverse through that mess with a calmness that simply blew me away! I've always known Mark took life in stride and was never at a loss to know what to do. As much as I loved him on April 16, 1977, it was no where near the deep love, admiration and appreciation I have for him now.
So that's what I'm going to use to move into this next stage of life. I have learned a lot and I will be diligent to keep learning. About God. About grace. About loving others. About taking better care of myself. About how to love on and help others more effectively. About how to be a better manager of my time and resources. About how to be a stronger and more effective leader in my business. And how to love my Marky more!
Which I believe calls for a double celebration! We're having 2 birthday parties. One here in Reno with our children, grandchildren and local friends. And one in Missouri with family and a few precious Jordan friends, who truly are family to me.
I've always been one to go overboard when it comes to celebrating!
This is the month I change the first digit in my age. What is it about age that when the number is small we want it to be bigger and when it is bigger we want it to stop growing? Remember saying 'I'm 9 1/2!"! When was the last time you heard someone say "I'm 59 1/2!"?
When I first started this blog I was going to call it "Life in the 50's". I put it out for opinions and a dear friend - I love you Jayne Whitworth! - suggested 'Life in the Sass Lane', on the premise that with my title suggestion, the title would have to be eventually changed. And she didn't even know my nickname has been Aunt Sassy for years!
And now the time has come, said the walrus. Moving into the 60's.
I remember being annoyed at turning 30 because I thought I meant I had to act like an adult. Oh yeah, being married and have daughters age 7 and 8 didn't cause me to act like an adult. Right.
Forty didn't bother me. I embraced it. I found out someone was planning a black 40th party for me and I refused to go. They changed the theme and made it festive and fun instead. I appreciated that.
I felt that 50 meant I'd earned a new level of respect, I felt I'd earned that and I was comfortable being 50. In fact, I threw my own party that year. I made the invites, made all the food and we spent the entire evening have a 4 course meal, enjoying the sweet company of a few close friends.
But 60 is clearly different. No one is saying 60 is the new 40. And we all know that it's too late to try and look as good as Jane Fonda. I can have red hair like Susan Sarandon, but the secret acting dream is never going to happen. And what kept Susan Lucci so thin? Oh yeah, years of running after an Emmy. And then there is Meryl Streep, she's defines stunning and strong as well as successful.
I'm trying to be healthy, not skinny. I've pouring my acting dream into my blog. You can't compare yourself to people who have had surgical help in looking good. And step away, there's no way to even think about comparing myself to Meryl Streep. Such a class act.
I guess I'm trying to figure out what defines me after 6 decades. Let's start with the happy list.
Mark
I'm married to the greatest guy on the earth, my precious Marky. He's been a good provider for our family, he's the most patient person I've ever met. He's the ultimate handyman, there is nothing he can't fix or build. He's become a fabulous sous chef and a great co-host for all the parties we throw. He's the most honest man you'll ever meet. If you look up 'good character' in the dictionary, it says Mark Baines! He's a Bible scholar, and he's diligent in his studies. And Mark's a great teacher whether he's teaching Bible truths or how to fix something. Then there's that that - he's the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on - thing!
Tara and Rachael
We have 2 beautiful daughters who not only became amazing godly women that make us so proud, but married equally amazing godly men who have made a commitment to spend their lives teaching others about God. And they've given us 5 fabulous grandchildren which we adore! That topic is a whole nother blog!
Family
I have a precious extended family of parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles and cousins by the dozens. They have all had an important part in my life.
Friends
One of the advantages of living lots of places growing up, I have friends in lots of places! To that list has to be added the precious friends that God put in my life since Mark and I have been married. That list is too long for this blog.
Blessings
We miss our families, but being near our children and grandchildren cannot be described only as a huge blessing. That word isn't large enough. We are thrilled to be a part of their lives, trying to do a bit for them that was done for us by our grandparents. And there's no need to try and begin a comprehensive list of the rest of my blessings.
That leaves the unhappy list. Life isn't perfect, things happen that are out of our control, people don't always do the right thing. The problem with this truth is those incidents affect more than the people that do them, they affect the people around them. We get covered in the fall out. Things such as attending 3 high schools; as a child never living near family; divorce of parents, death of parents. Oh yeah, then there was that whole cancer mess.
I see that the happy is list is much larger and more important than the unhappy list. I realize that's what really matters in life.
But I don't feel 60. Heaven knows I try not to act 60! I don't feel like we should be old enough to have younger siblings that have been married for 30 years, that our children are almost 40, or that we have siblings ready to retire! I told the girls that the 5 years they were in college I felt I was on hold, waiting for the rest of our life. They went 6 hours away to college so we didn't get to see them much except during the summer. They both married a few months after graduating and then waited 7 years to have children. So I feel like those 13 years I was in limbo waiting for the next phase and those years shouldn't count on my age. I settle for 50!
I do remember staring down death ( that is spelled c-a-n-c-e-r). Eight years ago. I'm grateful to be breathing, I really don't need to be reminded of that.
I guess it's just that I've had in my head for what seems like forever that 60 means old. Is that because you're clearly more than halfway done with life? Is it because you look old? Is it because you act old? Is is because you're old fashioned? Tho you must admit that some so called old fashioned standards should still be in practice. Again, another blog topic! Or is it because one has become set in their thoughts, not willing to adapt or to grow?
To maintain what is left of my sanity, I'm banking on that last sentence. Truth be known, I don't want to live to 120. Thanks to my fabulous Jordan Essentials products, I don't look old! I'm certain I can get several witnesses that I don't act old! If I did, I wouldn't have as many young friends as I do. I work on keeping my house updated, it's no longer full of country style furnishings. I don't wear granny looking clothes, tho I will readily admit to owning a few comfortable, sane shoes.
If I examine my inner self carefully, I would say I've have learned more in the last 8 years than I can begin to express. We moved to 'a city' and I've learned to be more respectful and appreciative of different cultures. Listening to our son in laws and other fabulous preachers and teachers, I learned so much more about the Bible, about God, about what living a Christian life should look like. I'm watching and learning what living by grace means. In all areas of my life. Because of the cancer journey, I feel like I'm less stressed about general stuff in life.
They, whoever 'they' are, say there is a list of things you should not do in a 12 month period. That list includes the list of what Mark and I did do, in 7 months. I had cancer, Mark left his job of 29 years, we left our house we'd lived in for 20+ years, we moved across the country, away from our parents and all our siblings and life long friends. And Mark's mother died. And I watched the man of my life traverse through that mess with a calmness that simply blew me away! I've always known Mark took life in stride and was never at a loss to know what to do. As much as I loved him on April 16, 1977, it was no where near the deep love, admiration and appreciation I have for him now.
So that's what I'm going to use to move into this next stage of life. I have learned a lot and I will be diligent to keep learning. About God. About grace. About loving others. About taking better care of myself. About how to love on and help others more effectively. About how to be a better manager of my time and resources. About how to be a stronger and more effective leader in my business. And how to love my Marky more!
Which I believe calls for a double celebration! We're having 2 birthday parties. One here in Reno with our children, grandchildren and local friends. And one in Missouri with family and a few precious Jordan friends, who truly are family to me.
I've always been one to go overboard when it comes to celebrating!
Monday, July 1, 2013
Fathers
This post is obviously a tad bit late for Father's Day, but fathers are important all year long, not just one day of year. The depth of this thought was reinforced with the recent passing of Mark's dad.
Mark's dad had been sick for some months. His prostate cancer came back and then became bone cancer. He participated in a new treatment, which possibly prolonged his life, but did not cure the cancer.
He was at home, taking care of himself, with assistance from his children and their spouses. It got to be too much and home health care came to help. Lee decided he needed to be where there was 24 hour care, he was taken to a nursing home on a Monday and passed on Saturday of that week.
Mark was able to make it home before his dad died and spent all night Friday with him, reading scripture to him and praying over him.
As the five children of Lee and Flo Baines sat around sharing stories, the true character of Lee and Flo Baines became so evident.
I have known no one who loved their wife more than Lee did. He adored Flo and would do anything for her. And he did. Flo didn't ask for lots of frivolous things. She had lived through the depression and World War II and learned to be content with simple things, basic necessities of life. After their children were grown and there was more time and finances available, they did all sorts of things together. They took lots of senior citizens trips and saw lots of places they'd never had the opportunity to see before. Flo did all the planning and Lee was thrilled to go on such great trips with the love of his life.
It was painful for Lee when Flo became sick. She had confusing symptoms in 2000 and in 2001 was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She did chemo and two rounds of radiation. The process made her weak and unsteady. She fell and broke her hip and needed constant attention. Lee sat many hours in the living room with Flo. She didn't understand she needed the walker to get around and would try to get up without it. Eventually, he was doing more and more for her, including picking her up and putting her in bed at night. Granted, Flo was short and by this point, much thinner than she'd ever been. But Lee was 80 years old, he didn't need to be picking her up. But he did and never complained. Eventually, despite Lee's desire to take care of Flo, she was taken to a nursing home, where she spent the last year and a half of her life. And so did Lee. He went and sat by her bed every day. At first he got there in time to feed Flo breakfast. The staff convinced him they could do that, so he would come mid morning and he stayed until she was in bed. Every day that she was there. No one loved his wife more than Lee Baines.
For quite some time after Flo's death, Lee went to the cemetery every day. Later he went every week.
No one loved his wife more than Lee Baines.
No one enjoyed working more than Lee. He was thankful to have a means to support his lovely family. Mark has told stories of Dad working at the garage he owned and then coming home and working on things around the house.
Lee built their home with supplies from a retired army base. It was just what they needed, nothing more. As more children were born, extra space was added. But not excessive space, just the right amount.
For family camping trips, Lee built a camper. He made it entirely himself. Even sewing the tarps on the side. He wanted to take the family camping, but didn't want to spend unnecessary money when he could make the camper himself and enjoy the process!
Until technology changed everything, Lee made all the televisions the family had. Ordered a kit, all the little pieces and wires and tubes, then put it all together! And the Baines family had the first color tv on the block. He more than kept the family up with the Joneses, he passed them up!
Lee made all sorts of things for Flo. She started collecting little treasures on their trips and he built a case to display them in. He built two entertainment centers. Fabulous, sturdy pieces of furniture.
Lee was not a talkative man. His love language was service to others. He helped all of us work on our houses, some of us more than once! He made personalized things for each of us. Some of us have a beautiful china cabinet he built with our design ideas. I gave him a 2x2 picture and sizes and received a lovely cabinet. Some of his grandchildren have special things he built for them.
Lee Baines lived a life of service to others. He served his country. He served his family. He served others. A greater tribute could not be said!
He never asked for anything. When his birthday, Father's Day and Christmas would roll around each year, it was impossible to get him to tell us anything he'd like to have. He really wanted for nothing. His basic needs were met, he was content with that and desired nothing more. Just to be with his beloved wife, children and grandchildren.
The five Baines siblings shared stories of Mom and her entertaining. They loved to have friends over and play games, laugh and enjoy each other. They didn't spend excessive money on entertainment, but they loved sharing good times with their friends.
As Mark and I reflected on these things, we came to some conclusions. Mom and Dad had what they needed. They were careful with their money, used it wisely, yet were not in need of anything. We've done some soul/budget searching since we got home and are making some changes. There have been some items in our life that were nice, slightly excessive, but clearly not necessary and we are deleting as much of it as we can. We want our grandchildren to see that we used our resources wisely to provide for our needs, but that the focus of our life was to worship and serve God and do so by loving our family.
I realized afresh that I am one of the ones that personally benefited from Lee's character. You see, Mark Baines is so much like his dad. Yes, he looks more like Lee than his brothers do. But his character is clearly a reflection of what he learned from his dad. No human could love me more than my Marky. And I know, I'm not always lovable. But Mark is the most patient, kind, compassionate man I know. And he loves me unconditionally. I'd not grown up with that kind of love from my dad, so I had a difficult time learning to accept it from Mark. And I'm still learning. But I'm loving it and resting in it!
And like his Dad, Mark never asks for anything! His favorite conversation goes like this. "What do you want for _____". Fill in the blank - Christmas, birthday, Father's Day, just because. Mark's pat answer is "Peace on earth, good will towards man." Mark is content with his life, he desires for nothing, just time with his little family.
How blessed am I! I'm so thankful for the man Mark Baines is. I'm so blown away that I get to do life with him and be touched by his sweetness, love and compassion. Mark serves me. Mark serves our family. Mark serves others. A greater tribute could not be said!
I'm blessed because Lee Baines loved his wife, loved his family and lived a simple peaceful life of contentment.
Mark's dad had been sick for some months. His prostate cancer came back and then became bone cancer. He participated in a new treatment, which possibly prolonged his life, but did not cure the cancer.
He was at home, taking care of himself, with assistance from his children and their spouses. It got to be too much and home health care came to help. Lee decided he needed to be where there was 24 hour care, he was taken to a nursing home on a Monday and passed on Saturday of that week.
Mark was able to make it home before his dad died and spent all night Friday with him, reading scripture to him and praying over him.
As the five children of Lee and Flo Baines sat around sharing stories, the true character of Lee and Flo Baines became so evident.
I have known no one who loved their wife more than Lee did. He adored Flo and would do anything for her. And he did. Flo didn't ask for lots of frivolous things. She had lived through the depression and World War II and learned to be content with simple things, basic necessities of life. After their children were grown and there was more time and finances available, they did all sorts of things together. They took lots of senior citizens trips and saw lots of places they'd never had the opportunity to see before. Flo did all the planning and Lee was thrilled to go on such great trips with the love of his life.
It was painful for Lee when Flo became sick. She had confusing symptoms in 2000 and in 2001 was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She did chemo and two rounds of radiation. The process made her weak and unsteady. She fell and broke her hip and needed constant attention. Lee sat many hours in the living room with Flo. She didn't understand she needed the walker to get around and would try to get up without it. Eventually, he was doing more and more for her, including picking her up and putting her in bed at night. Granted, Flo was short and by this point, much thinner than she'd ever been. But Lee was 80 years old, he didn't need to be picking her up. But he did and never complained. Eventually, despite Lee's desire to take care of Flo, she was taken to a nursing home, where she spent the last year and a half of her life. And so did Lee. He went and sat by her bed every day. At first he got there in time to feed Flo breakfast. The staff convinced him they could do that, so he would come mid morning and he stayed until she was in bed. Every day that she was there. No one loved his wife more than Lee Baines.
For quite some time after Flo's death, Lee went to the cemetery every day. Later he went every week.
No one loved his wife more than Lee Baines.
No one enjoyed working more than Lee. He was thankful to have a means to support his lovely family. Mark has told stories of Dad working at the garage he owned and then coming home and working on things around the house.
Lee built their home with supplies from a retired army base. It was just what they needed, nothing more. As more children were born, extra space was added. But not excessive space, just the right amount.
For family camping trips, Lee built a camper. He made it entirely himself. Even sewing the tarps on the side. He wanted to take the family camping, but didn't want to spend unnecessary money when he could make the camper himself and enjoy the process!
Until technology changed everything, Lee made all the televisions the family had. Ordered a kit, all the little pieces and wires and tubes, then put it all together! And the Baines family had the first color tv on the block. He more than kept the family up with the Joneses, he passed them up!
Lee made all sorts of things for Flo. She started collecting little treasures on their trips and he built a case to display them in. He built two entertainment centers. Fabulous, sturdy pieces of furniture.
Lee was not a talkative man. His love language was service to others. He helped all of us work on our houses, some of us more than once! He made personalized things for each of us. Some of us have a beautiful china cabinet he built with our design ideas. I gave him a 2x2 picture and sizes and received a lovely cabinet. Some of his grandchildren have special things he built for them.
Lee Baines lived a life of service to others. He served his country. He served his family. He served others. A greater tribute could not be said!
He never asked for anything. When his birthday, Father's Day and Christmas would roll around each year, it was impossible to get him to tell us anything he'd like to have. He really wanted for nothing. His basic needs were met, he was content with that and desired nothing more. Just to be with his beloved wife, children and grandchildren.
The five Baines siblings shared stories of Mom and her entertaining. They loved to have friends over and play games, laugh and enjoy each other. They didn't spend excessive money on entertainment, but they loved sharing good times with their friends.
As Mark and I reflected on these things, we came to some conclusions. Mom and Dad had what they needed. They were careful with their money, used it wisely, yet were not in need of anything. We've done some soul/budget searching since we got home and are making some changes. There have been some items in our life that were nice, slightly excessive, but clearly not necessary and we are deleting as much of it as we can. We want our grandchildren to see that we used our resources wisely to provide for our needs, but that the focus of our life was to worship and serve God and do so by loving our family.
I realized afresh that I am one of the ones that personally benefited from Lee's character. You see, Mark Baines is so much like his dad. Yes, he looks more like Lee than his brothers do. But his character is clearly a reflection of what he learned from his dad. No human could love me more than my Marky. And I know, I'm not always lovable. But Mark is the most patient, kind, compassionate man I know. And he loves me unconditionally. I'd not grown up with that kind of love from my dad, so I had a difficult time learning to accept it from Mark. And I'm still learning. But I'm loving it and resting in it!
And like his Dad, Mark never asks for anything! His favorite conversation goes like this. "What do you want for _____". Fill in the blank - Christmas, birthday, Father's Day, just because. Mark's pat answer is "Peace on earth, good will towards man." Mark is content with his life, he desires for nothing, just time with his little family.
How blessed am I! I'm so thankful for the man Mark Baines is. I'm so blown away that I get to do life with him and be touched by his sweetness, love and compassion. Mark serves me. Mark serves our family. Mark serves others. A greater tribute could not be said!
I'm blessed because Lee Baines loved his wife, loved his family and lived a simple peaceful life of contentment.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sleep - An Amazing Gift!
Sleep has been a major problem for me for several years.
I've never really slept when we go somewhere. I would be awake in the middle of the night when we stayed at a hotel. I'd wake up long before Mark and sit in the dark while I waited for him to wake up. When we'd go to my sister's to spend the night, I'd always 'sleep' on the couch. I knew I would be awake most of the night so there was no need to disturb Mark. If I was in the living room, I could watch tv or read a book to pass the time.
It became an every night issue when I was in what the doctor called 'pre-menopausal. Isn't it delightful that not only do we go through menopause, but there are 2 more parts to it - pre and post. Really?! Is all that necessary? For years I said that because I'd had a hysterectomy, I had nothing to pause, so I was not going through any of that. Mind over matter was not successful on that count!
I would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to get back to sleep. I would either lay for hours or just get up and do something. Then in the middle of the day I would hit the wall because I was so tired.
This routine was worse than annoying. It seemed the only relief was commiserating with others going through the same thing. It was assumed that this problem was a part of being ' a woman of that age'. Don't ya just love that phrase! The only relief I got was to take a Tylenol PM. If it had been several nights since I'd slept well, I'd take two. A night of deep, restful, dreamless sleep was fabulous!
Then the whole breast cancer adventure began and other difficulties became the focus. After the tests, surgery and radiation came the exhaustion of chemo. Chemo affects people differently, and naturally with me it became sleep depravation. You can go without sleep for only a short time and it becomes debilitating! The first sleeping pill they gave me might as well have been a sugar pill. It brought no relief. Then they gave me Ambien CR. Amazing! I would take one pill, I'd be asleep in fifteen minutes, I would sleep well and wake rested in 8 hours. I got my life back.
I stayed on the Ambien while I was doing the treatments. It was the only way I got any sleep at all. Once the treatments were done, the prescription was not renewed. And for whatever reason, I wasn't having a major problem with sleep.
Then came the 'big one', as it is referred to here in Reno. The earthquake. In April 2008, after lots of small quakes, we had a 4.7 one. For those of you in California, that doesn't sound huge. But the faults in Nevada are not nearly as deep as those in California, so the movement here ismuch greater. For this midwesterner, that much power meant massive destruction. Mark and I were still up and we heard it coming. Earthquakes are like tornadoes, there is a rumbling before they arrive. And we could see the walls moving and feel the house shaking. There is no way to describe the screaming that happened. It was a horrific night. But there was hundreds of after shocks for weeks on end. Day and night. I would lie in bed and not be able to go to sleep because I was so afraid of another quake. And I was jumping at every little sound. Was it another one coming? I was a walking nervous wreck.
I convinced my doctor to give me another script for Ambien CR. Sleep, it was a welcome friend that returned to my life. And my life was manageable because of it. I was less of a crazy person, for which Mark was grateful!
And then reality slapped me in the face. After taking Ambien for several months, when I asked for a refill, my doctor asked me how often I was taking it. I told her every night because it was the only way I got any rest. Her response was "You are addicted." My response was "I DON'T CARE !" She politely informed me that I had to get off of it because if I ever needed surgery again they would never be able to put me under. I left with no refill and panic stricken! I was never going to sleep again! UGH!
I was afraid to go to bed that night, paranoid that I would lay in bed awake all night. I'd done that and knew how horrible that was. So I took a Tylenol PM. Just one. In spite of being anxious about the whole process, I did go to sleep and slept pretty well. I did that for several nights until it became difficult to wake up in the morning. I would feel drugged, almost woozy in the morning. So I split the pills and used half of one for several nights. I was sleeping well again. Then I started having the same problem in the morning. I was foggy in the morning and had a hard time getting my mind cleared. So I stopped taking the Tylenol PM. The first night I was panicked about going to bed without assistance. But I did go to sleep. Eventually.
And thus began life with no help getting to sleep and staying asleep. Consequently, sleep became elusive again. I would lay awake for anywhere from one to more than two hours before I fell asleep. I began having nightmares again. They would be so frightening, it would wake me up and then I couldn't get back to sleep. This was so frustrating. I basically could plan nothing in the morning. I never knew when I would wake up and how long it would take me to be able to function somewhat intelligently. Thank goodness I have a job that doesn't require me to be up, dressed and alert at 7 am!
I tried taking melatonin. I took a couple to start with and had no relief. I took more, after checking to make sure it was safe. Still nothing. So I decided I was just going to have to live with this. My lot in life. What fun - not!
Then Rachael shared with me what they use. It's a free app for my phone called brainwave tuner. There are two parts to the app. One is wave strength which is basically a rhythm and you chose how loud it is. Sounds like having a fan on. This made sense to me. When we used to run a large window fan in the summer, it would help me get to sleep. And when we put it away, I had trouble getting to sleep.
The second part is called ambience with three choices. One is a flowing brook. Okay, I'm old enough I don't need to listen to constantly running water. That's a whole different problem! One is a music box. Those of you that know me well know that music is an extremely important part of who I am. But I've never been able to go to bed with music on. I get so into it I can't relax and go to sleep. So music wasn't an option for me. The third choice is night and sounds like crickets. Rachael said when she listens to this with the wave she feels like she's back home in Illinois. Interesting. And I was certainly willing to try. Apparently there is a lot of research behind this, but I really don't need to understand all that. All I needed was sleep.
The first night I turned the timer on. Rachael said she sets the timer for 30 minutes, it doesn't stop abruptly, it fades out and that she has never heard it stop. Since I have such a major problem, I set the timer for one hour. I didn't hear it stop, but I was still up two or three times in the night. The second night I turned it on with the phone plugged in and left it on all night. I was up only once that night and felt like I'd slept better which certainly was an improvement. I have adjusted the volume of the wave strength and ambience and reached what works for me! Last night I went to sleep so quickly I don't remember just laying there and waiting for sleep to arrive. I wasn't up at all during the night. I woke up after eight hours of restful sleep and was ready for the day! Can you say amazing! I feel like a real person again, not some groggy version of myself.
I feel like I've gotten my life back. I can now not only plan what I'm going to do during the morning, but I'll be energized and ready to do it! I'll going to be able to get done all those things that have been waiting in the wings. The real Cindy Baines is about to emerge again! Thanks to the brilliant doctor who shared this with Rachael and to Rach for sharing it with me!
Sleep - an amazing gift! I'm so thrilled it was given to me.
I've never really slept when we go somewhere. I would be awake in the middle of the night when we stayed at a hotel. I'd wake up long before Mark and sit in the dark while I waited for him to wake up. When we'd go to my sister's to spend the night, I'd always 'sleep' on the couch. I knew I would be awake most of the night so there was no need to disturb Mark. If I was in the living room, I could watch tv or read a book to pass the time.
It became an every night issue when I was in what the doctor called 'pre-menopausal. Isn't it delightful that not only do we go through menopause, but there are 2 more parts to it - pre and post. Really?! Is all that necessary? For years I said that because I'd had a hysterectomy, I had nothing to pause, so I was not going through any of that. Mind over matter was not successful on that count!
I would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to get back to sleep. I would either lay for hours or just get up and do something. Then in the middle of the day I would hit the wall because I was so tired.
This routine was worse than annoying. It seemed the only relief was commiserating with others going through the same thing. It was assumed that this problem was a part of being ' a woman of that age'. Don't ya just love that phrase! The only relief I got was to take a Tylenol PM. If it had been several nights since I'd slept well, I'd take two. A night of deep, restful, dreamless sleep was fabulous!
Then the whole breast cancer adventure began and other difficulties became the focus. After the tests, surgery and radiation came the exhaustion of chemo. Chemo affects people differently, and naturally with me it became sleep depravation. You can go without sleep for only a short time and it becomes debilitating! The first sleeping pill they gave me might as well have been a sugar pill. It brought no relief. Then they gave me Ambien CR. Amazing! I would take one pill, I'd be asleep in fifteen minutes, I would sleep well and wake rested in 8 hours. I got my life back.
I stayed on the Ambien while I was doing the treatments. It was the only way I got any sleep at all. Once the treatments were done, the prescription was not renewed. And for whatever reason, I wasn't having a major problem with sleep.
Then came the 'big one', as it is referred to here in Reno. The earthquake. In April 2008, after lots of small quakes, we had a 4.7 one. For those of you in California, that doesn't sound huge. But the faults in Nevada are not nearly as deep as those in California, so the movement here ismuch greater. For this midwesterner, that much power meant massive destruction. Mark and I were still up and we heard it coming. Earthquakes are like tornadoes, there is a rumbling before they arrive. And we could see the walls moving and feel the house shaking. There is no way to describe the screaming that happened. It was a horrific night. But there was hundreds of after shocks for weeks on end. Day and night. I would lie in bed and not be able to go to sleep because I was so afraid of another quake. And I was jumping at every little sound. Was it another one coming? I was a walking nervous wreck.
I convinced my doctor to give me another script for Ambien CR. Sleep, it was a welcome friend that returned to my life. And my life was manageable because of it. I was less of a crazy person, for which Mark was grateful!
And then reality slapped me in the face. After taking Ambien for several months, when I asked for a refill, my doctor asked me how often I was taking it. I told her every night because it was the only way I got any rest. Her response was "You are addicted." My response was "I DON'T CARE !" She politely informed me that I had to get off of it because if I ever needed surgery again they would never be able to put me under. I left with no refill and panic stricken! I was never going to sleep again! UGH!
I was afraid to go to bed that night, paranoid that I would lay in bed awake all night. I'd done that and knew how horrible that was. So I took a Tylenol PM. Just one. In spite of being anxious about the whole process, I did go to sleep and slept pretty well. I did that for several nights until it became difficult to wake up in the morning. I would feel drugged, almost woozy in the morning. So I split the pills and used half of one for several nights. I was sleeping well again. Then I started having the same problem in the morning. I was foggy in the morning and had a hard time getting my mind cleared. So I stopped taking the Tylenol PM. The first night I was panicked about going to bed without assistance. But I did go to sleep. Eventually.
And thus began life with no help getting to sleep and staying asleep. Consequently, sleep became elusive again. I would lay awake for anywhere from one to more than two hours before I fell asleep. I began having nightmares again. They would be so frightening, it would wake me up and then I couldn't get back to sleep. This was so frustrating. I basically could plan nothing in the morning. I never knew when I would wake up and how long it would take me to be able to function somewhat intelligently. Thank goodness I have a job that doesn't require me to be up, dressed and alert at 7 am!
I tried taking melatonin. I took a couple to start with and had no relief. I took more, after checking to make sure it was safe. Still nothing. So I decided I was just going to have to live with this. My lot in life. What fun - not!
Then Rachael shared with me what they use. It's a free app for my phone called brainwave tuner. There are two parts to the app. One is wave strength which is basically a rhythm and you chose how loud it is. Sounds like having a fan on. This made sense to me. When we used to run a large window fan in the summer, it would help me get to sleep. And when we put it away, I had trouble getting to sleep.
The second part is called ambience with three choices. One is a flowing brook. Okay, I'm old enough I don't need to listen to constantly running water. That's a whole different problem! One is a music box. Those of you that know me well know that music is an extremely important part of who I am. But I've never been able to go to bed with music on. I get so into it I can't relax and go to sleep. So music wasn't an option for me. The third choice is night and sounds like crickets. Rachael said when she listens to this with the wave she feels like she's back home in Illinois. Interesting. And I was certainly willing to try. Apparently there is a lot of research behind this, but I really don't need to understand all that. All I needed was sleep.
The first night I turned the timer on. Rachael said she sets the timer for 30 minutes, it doesn't stop abruptly, it fades out and that she has never heard it stop. Since I have such a major problem, I set the timer for one hour. I didn't hear it stop, but I was still up two or three times in the night. The second night I turned it on with the phone plugged in and left it on all night. I was up only once that night and felt like I'd slept better which certainly was an improvement. I have adjusted the volume of the wave strength and ambience and reached what works for me! Last night I went to sleep so quickly I don't remember just laying there and waiting for sleep to arrive. I wasn't up at all during the night. I woke up after eight hours of restful sleep and was ready for the day! Can you say amazing! I feel like a real person again, not some groggy version of myself.
I feel like I've gotten my life back. I can now not only plan what I'm going to do during the morning, but I'll be energized and ready to do it! I'll going to be able to get done all those things that have been waiting in the wings. The real Cindy Baines is about to emerge again! Thanks to the brilliant doctor who shared this with Rachael and to Rach for sharing it with me!
Sleep - an amazing gift! I'm so thrilled it was given to me.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
36 and Counting
Wow! I have been married for 36 years. And it's true - some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels like forever. Tho I mean that in a great way. We've been together so long, it's hard to remember being single. But as some of you know, the older you get, the faster it seems that time passes. It's hard to believe it's been thirty six years!
Actually, our 25th anniversary celebration was more fun than the wedding. We did another ceremony, wrote our own vows, and all our kids participated.
This is what I wrote:
As a little girl, I began dreaming of the perfect man that God would have for me. As I began dreaming and waiting, I fell in love with that man, long before I ever met him.
God knew I needed
a man who would love me unconditionally;
a man to protect me from the world and sometimes from myself;
a man to be my personal counselor as I dealt with what seemed like overwhelming obstacles in life;
a man to share my dreams with;
a man to dream new dreams together with;
a man who would be my biggest encourager;
a man to be the best daddy in the world to our girls;
a man who would be kind to to others;
a man who would put God first, even before me;
a man who would be MY Promise Keeper.
In His infinite wisdom, God wrapped all that, and more, and gave me the man of my dreams to share my life with.
For our anniversary this year, Mark took off at noon. We went to see '42' - great movie - and then out to eat. We begin to play one of our new games - 'What's your favorite____' This time we listed favorite things we've done. At first, it was things we'd done alone, just the two of us. But that's a fairly short list, so we started reminiscing about things we'd done with the girls and family. Weddings, anniversary and births were a given.
A trip to Destin Florida with all our kids (pre little girls), my siblings, their families and my mom was at the top of our list. It's always so much fun to have extended time with family. When Tara was a Freshman in college and Rachael a Senior in high school, we went to Disney World. They enjoyed the trip even though they were older. Funny, both those trips were earned through my job! Those of you that know me well, know that I LOVE San Francisco. So naturally our first, enchanting trip to San Fran was on the list, as well as subsequent ones!
Conversation then became precious memories of the past years, which included so many people. Can't list them here, for fear of leaving someone out. God has shared so many dear people with us. And you are each loved and treasured!
One of the more recent highlights of our life was Mark's new job in 2011. After 34 years of traveling enough miles each year to drive around the world, Mark is now off the road! We have a real life now. We can do things any night of the week. We were so tired of being separated so much. And all those miles - Mark was done with it! Again, we are so blessed!
But I'm using this blog to honestly share some of the things that go through my head. Even ones that are not so pretty. And what was passing through my head earlier was on the selfish side.
Naturally, I was thinking about the anniversary for days before it arrived. Wondering what Mark was going to do for me. Would he plan a fabulous evening? Would it include a great food and spectacular meal? Suddenly I was struck with how selfish was I! It is our anniversary, not my anniversary. I got online and spent quite a bit of time looking for something I could do for Mark. Though I never did find anything that seemed just right.
That evening I confessed to Mark how selfish I'd been that day and that I'd searched for quite a while looking for something I could do for him. We discussed some options and the budget and together planned our day out.
But why are women so quick to look for what is being done for us? I would submit to you that culture has spent a lot of money - music, movies, advertisements - suggesting we want more, we want to be pampered, we want to be spoiled! Clearly not a mindset you would find in the Bible. Which is where I claim to find the foundation of my life!
Acts 20:35b It is more blessed to give than receive.
John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I Cor. 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.
Phillippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Phillippains 2:3 b in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Our celebration was special, we are grateful for our time together. But my focus in the coming weeks and months is going to be looking for more ways to bless Mark. My beloved Marky.
Actually, our 25th anniversary celebration was more fun than the wedding. We did another ceremony, wrote our own vows, and all our kids participated.
This is what I wrote:
As a little girl, I began dreaming of the perfect man that God would have for me. As I began dreaming and waiting, I fell in love with that man, long before I ever met him.
God knew I needed
a man who would love me unconditionally;
a man to protect me from the world and sometimes from myself;
a man to be my personal counselor as I dealt with what seemed like overwhelming obstacles in life;
a man to share my dreams with;
a man to dream new dreams together with;
a man who would be my biggest encourager;
a man to be the best daddy in the world to our girls;
a man who would be kind to to others;
a man who would put God first, even before me;
a man who would be MY Promise Keeper.
In His infinite wisdom, God wrapped all that, and more, and gave me the man of my dreams to share my life with.
For our anniversary this year, Mark took off at noon. We went to see '42' - great movie - and then out to eat. We begin to play one of our new games - 'What's your favorite____' This time we listed favorite things we've done. At first, it was things we'd done alone, just the two of us. But that's a fairly short list, so we started reminiscing about things we'd done with the girls and family. Weddings, anniversary and births were a given.
A trip to Destin Florida with all our kids (pre little girls), my siblings, their families and my mom was at the top of our list. It's always so much fun to have extended time with family. When Tara was a Freshman in college and Rachael a Senior in high school, we went to Disney World. They enjoyed the trip even though they were older. Funny, both those trips were earned through my job! Those of you that know me well, know that I LOVE San Francisco. So naturally our first, enchanting trip to San Fran was on the list, as well as subsequent ones!
Conversation then became precious memories of the past years, which included so many people. Can't list them here, for fear of leaving someone out. God has shared so many dear people with us. And you are each loved and treasured!
One of the more recent highlights of our life was Mark's new job in 2011. After 34 years of traveling enough miles each year to drive around the world, Mark is now off the road! We have a real life now. We can do things any night of the week. We were so tired of being separated so much. And all those miles - Mark was done with it! Again, we are so blessed!
But I'm using this blog to honestly share some of the things that go through my head. Even ones that are not so pretty. And what was passing through my head earlier was on the selfish side.
Naturally, I was thinking about the anniversary for days before it arrived. Wondering what Mark was going to do for me. Would he plan a fabulous evening? Would it include a great food and spectacular meal? Suddenly I was struck with how selfish was I! It is our anniversary, not my anniversary. I got online and spent quite a bit of time looking for something I could do for Mark. Though I never did find anything that seemed just right.
That evening I confessed to Mark how selfish I'd been that day and that I'd searched for quite a while looking for something I could do for him. We discussed some options and the budget and together planned our day out.
But why are women so quick to look for what is being done for us? I would submit to you that culture has spent a lot of money - music, movies, advertisements - suggesting we want more, we want to be pampered, we want to be spoiled! Clearly not a mindset you would find in the Bible. Which is where I claim to find the foundation of my life!
Acts 20:35b It is more blessed to give than receive.
John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I Cor. 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.
Phillippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Phillippains 2:3 b in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Our celebration was special, we are grateful for our time together. But my focus in the coming weeks and months is going to be looking for more ways to bless Mark. My beloved Marky.
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